Friday, December 11, 2015

Coming Back

A year ago, I left the Convent. A year ago I surrendered the habit that I had accepted only a few months before. I surrendered to God's almighty Will when I entered and submitted again that day, realizing that it was His will that I leave. 

I said goodbye to my Sisters. I said goodbye to the place that I had called home, that I thought I would inhabit for the rest of my life. I cried as I dressed in lay clothes, as I saw how butchered my hair looked. I hugged Sr. Katherine as I loaded my suitcase back into dad's car. I lowered my head in shame as we drove by the chapel parking lot, where the school children were playing. I didn't want them to see me as I left. I struggled to readjust to the world, its noise, its pride. I felt shame and confusion about who I was turning out to be, and that I had been wrong about my vocation. It was a hard day.

Now a year later I can look back on all of the good times too. I remember all of the laughs I had in the Convent, all of the happy memories with the Sisters and the friends of the Center. I also can see how far I've come and how much I've grown since then. A lot has happened, and I thank God that He has given me the chance to live this life. 

This isn't what I imagined I'd be doing, but I'm glad I'm where God wants me to be.